


Walking with Dinobots

by BlushLouise



Category: The Transformers (Cartoon Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Crack, Gen, Pure Crack, did I mention this is completely not serious, please disregard the anachronisms, plotting dinobots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:01:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22039735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlushLouise/pseuds/BlushLouise
Summary: The humans have this show. It's called Walking with Dinosaurs.Until the Dinobots take an interest, that is.Or: the many ways a Dinobot can sneak away to join the circus.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 50





	Walking with Dinobots

It started, as it often did, with television. Though no one had really noticed that Slag was watching. And no one would have known, if he hadn’t cornered the two minibots in the hallway later.

“Me Slag want to go Portland. You Huffer and Brawn help?”

“Portland?” Brawn looked suspicious. “Why? And are you allowed to?”

Huffer nodded. “Yeah. You stick out like a sore thumb. And why would we help you anyway? We don’t even like you.”

“Me Slag not stick out this time.” The Dinobot grinned ferally. “Dinosaurs already in Portland.”

Huffer’s optics unfocused. “Oh, slag… The show. Remember, on TV?”

Brawn frowned for a moment. “You mean the _Walking with dinosaurs_? What’s it matter to you?”

Slag growled. “Them dinosaurs not real dinosaurs. Slag real. Want in.”

Brawn stared. “You. Want in the show.”

Huffer shook his head. “Won’t ever work. It’s doomed to fail. And you still haven’t said why we should help you.”

Slag grinned slowly. “Challenge. Him Grimlock say you two useless.” Of course, Grimlock thought everyone not a Dinobot was a bit useless, but these two didn’t know that.

Brawn smirked. “Oh, you’re on.”

It could have ended there, too, if Swoop hadn’t seen the two minibots coax the triceratops onto a trailer and throw a canvas over him. He snuck close enough to overhear a few words – ‘Portland’ and ‘Dinosaur’ – but not enough to make any sense.

It was annoying. He felt fairly sure something was afoot, but he didn’t even know who had kidnapped whom at this point.

“Hey, Swoop,” Cosmos called cheerfully. “What’re you doing out here? I thought you were working with Ratchet in the medbay.”

“Me Swoop on break,” the Dinobot replied. “Him Ratchet say so. Hey, Cosmos?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Me thought real dinosaurs extinct. But him Huffer talk about dinosaurs in Portland.”

Cosmos canted his head. Then his face lit up. “Oh! He must have been talking about that show they’re putting o”

“Show?”

“Yeah, the _Walking with dinosaurs_ show. It’s supposed to be pretty good.”

That made sense. Though no way in Pit was Swoop letting Slag go have all the fun alone. “Cosmos? Can you take me Swoop to see show?”

Cosmos hesitated. “I don’t know, buddy. You sure you’re okay to leave base? Maybe we should take to Prowl first?”

Swoop pouted. “But him Slag allowed. Him Huffer and him Brawn already leave with Slag.”

Cosmos took pity on him, of course. “Yeah, that sucks. Tell you what. Give me half an hour to fuel up and clean some of this dust off, and we can head out. I’m faster than them, so you’ll make the evening show.”

“Thank you!” Swoop squealed, throwing his arms around the spacefarer for a moment. “Me Swoop will wash up too, meet you Cosmos back here!”

This would be so much fun! And the others didn’t even know about it.

“Why you Swoop washing up? It middle of the day.”

“Me Swoop going out,” Swoop said importantly. “You Sludge not wait up.”

“No fair. Me Sludge want out too. Where you Swoop going?” The tall Dinobot looked down at his smaller brother.

“It secret.” Swoop winked. “Me say, you no tell, okay?”

“Okay.” Sludge nodded.

Swoop leaned closer conspiratorially. “Me Swoop going to see dinosaur show in Portland. Him Cosmos taking me Swoop.”

Sludge growled. “Me Sludge want come too.”

Swoop whacked him in the chest. “No. You Sludge too big for him Cosmos. You Sludge stay here.”

Sludge frowned after Swoop as the small Dinobot walked out.

He would show him who was too big.

“Hound?”

The green scout looked up, a smile on his face. “Hey! Sludge, right? What’s up?”

Sludge put on the most morose face he could manage. “Him Slag and him Swoop gone out to have fun, me Sludge not allowed to come with. Him Swoop say me Sludge too big to have fun.”

“Aw, that’s not true,” the yellow minibot next to Hound said. It sounded like he meant to comfort Sludge, which was nice, but not really what Sludge was after at this point. “No one’s the wrong size to have fun. What are they doing, anyway?”

“Him Swoop say they seeing dinosaur show in Portland.” Sludge dropped down heavily on the floor in front of them. “Me Sludge dinosaur too.”

“Yeah, you are.” Hound’s optics dimmed a bit. “I can’t remember Optimus giving anyone the all-clear to go see that show, though. But according to Teletraan-1, quite a few bots have left already. Including Slag and Swoop.”

“Can’t we take him, then?” Bumblebee said. “I mean, you can hide in a trailer, can’t you, Sludge?”

“Me Sludge never tried,” Sludge admitted. “But willing to try if it means seeing show.”

Hound still looked skeptical, but he caved quickly when faced with two pouting faces. “Oh, all right. Let’s go get me hooked up.”

Snarl stared as Sludge climbed into Hound’s little trailer. His alt mode barely fit, and his long neck stuck out of one end, tail on the other. He looked as dumb as he was, if anyone cared to hear Snarl’s opinion, which no one usually did.

Seeing Sludge turn into a stack of the big sticks the humans called telephone poles made him blink, though.

Snarl watched until Hound and his strange cargo had driven out of sight, Bumblebee following them. Then he headed back inside and walked back to the Dinobot cave. There was a bag of energon goodies with his name on them, now that Sludge had left base. His loss.

The cave was empty, aside from a half-asleep Grimlock. The Dinobot leader turned his head to glare as Snarl walked in. “Where you Snarl been?”

Snarl grabbed his bag of goodies – _must remember to thank him Groove_ – and sat down next to his leader. “Outside. Me Snarl see him Sludge dress up as telephone poles. Then him Hound drive away with him Sludge and him Bumblebee.”

Grimlock’s visor brightened fully. “You Snarl talk slag.”

“Me Snarl not see him Slag,” Snarl replied, putting another candy in his mouth. “Not see him Swoop, either.”

Grimlock stared at him for a few more minutes. Then he jumped up and all but ran out.

Snarl shrugged. More TV for him then. He changed the channel from Grimlock’s boring soap opera and found something where humans were whacking each other with swords.

It took very little effort for Grimlock to find out where Swoop and Slag and Sludge had gone. None of them were answering his comms, obviously, but it took only one question to Bluestreak to figure out what could have drawn all of them away.

Sometimes, that mech’s talkative manner was a good thing.

Grimlock didn’t bother asking anyone for a ride. Short of Skyfire or Optimus, there wasn’t a mech on base who would be able to transport him anywhere. And there was no point asking either of those two.

But Grimlock had a lot of stamina, and his alt mode was fast for a biped. Nobody even noticed when he simply walked out of the _Ark_ , transformed and started running.

The rec room was crowded, as usual on Friday night. Maybe more so this time, since Sideswipe had somehow managed to get a hold of a movie that wasn’t technically available yet about a time-traveling car. Groove and Beachcomber had even made snacks.

It was promising to be the best kind of night. Air Raid grinned and grabbed another handful of energon snacks, settling in against the couch.

And stared.

The TV had been left on while Sideswipe tried to connect the VCR with fingers much too big for the task. Whoever had watched anything last was probably a boring person like Prowl or Perceptor, because the TV had been left on a news channel. And right now, it was showing the view from a helicopter as something huge wreaked havoc on a human city.

“Hey, guys,” Air Raid said loudly. “Don’t we know that dinosaur?”

The room was suddenly utterly silent.

“Oh, frag,” Bluestreak whispered.

Air Raid had to agree. Even though Grimlock looked like he was having fun. But having a Dinobot loose in downtown Portland probably wasn’t a good idea.

Grimlock had no idea where the others were. They still weren’t answering his comms, and now he had managed to get himself properly lost. He didn’t really mind, though. This city was… what was that phrase the humans used?

“ME GRIMLOCK THINK THIS CITY REALLY COOL!” he roared, head thrown back. He tried not to step on any of the fleeing humans as he spun around, chasing the searchlight from the helicopter flying above. "Now, you humans tell me – which way to that dinosaur show?”

No one replied, which wasn’t too surprising. So he just picked a direction at random. There seemed to be more people that way, more traffic. That probably meant something good.

Long legs make for fast running, and it didn’t take long before Grimlock spotted a giant building in the distance. He was fairly sure it was the right place. There was a giant dinosaur banner outside, for one.

He didn’t quite get there. As he was crossing the last major road, Optimus Prime dropped down in front of him, landing like one of those human costume heroes. The Prime straightened, palms toward Grimlock. “Grimlock! Cease this madness.”

“This not madness,” Grimlock argued. “Me Grimlock going to dinosaur show!”

The Prime blinked.

“Him Swoop and him Sludge and him Slag already inside,” Grimlock continued. “Us Dinobots much better dinosaurs than those human stick-puppets.”

“You want to what now?” Ratchet exclaimed as he came up to stand next to Prime. Grimlock wasn’t sure from where, not until Wheeljack came skidding in as well from behind Grimlock. A quick glance back showed him Skyfire, taking up all four lanes of the highway.

Grimlock shook his head. “Me Grimlock don’t know why you Autobots make such fuss about this.”

Wheeljack chuckled. “Because you tore up half of Portland, Grim. That’s not all that good.”

Grimlock snorted. “City streets too small. Me Grimlock not have that problem inside big arena! Also, you Autobots causing problems too, him Skyfire blocking all the traffic!”

“Prime,” Prowl said, because apparently Skyfire had brought most of the command staff. “Blaster says the humans in charge here are –“

“- freakin’ out,” Jazz continued. “Apparently, they’ve called in th’ army, but Blaster’s talkin’ em down. And,” he grinned widely, “Bumblebee just commed me and said that th’ folks in charge of the Dinosaur show are very happy indeed. They’re askin’ if Grimmy here can’t come in too, and they’ll put on an extra act just with th’ Dinobots.”

Optimus blinked again.

“Me Grimlock want inside!” If there ever was a time for pushing, this was probably it. “Me Grimlock invited now!”

Ratchet grinned. “Let him, Prime. What harm can it do?”

“I can think of 1,500,739 types of harm it can do,” Prowl muttered. Jazz just laughed.

Prime looked at Grimlock. “If I let you in, will you take charge of your team? Not do anything that could endanger the humans in there? It’s full of families, Grimlock.”

“Me Grimlock can be careful,” Grimlock insisted. “Me just stand up, like this, and roar! That impressive enough for them families. And him Swoop can fly circles over their heads, and him Slag can growl and definitely not breathe fire, and him Sludge just really big! It gonna be good, Optimus Prime!”

Prime sighed and ran a hand across his face. “…fine. Jazz, arrange it. Have Blaster contact the human government, and send out Grapple and Hoist to help repair any damages.”

“You Prime not be sorry!” Grimlock grinned toothily. “Us Dinobots make Autobots look good now! And you Autobots can get back onboard him Skyfire and stop blocking the traffic.”

He didn’t wait for the Autobots to catch up. Prime stepped aside to avoid being run over, and Grimlock headed towards the giant arena.

Snarl threw an energon goodie at the TV in disgust. These humans were too weak.

Maybe there was something good on one of the other channels.

He sat up straight, and blinked. “What him Swoop doing on TV?”

Not just Swoop, either. Slag, too. And Sludge. And then finally Grimlock, standing tall and roaring.

Snarl shook his head and picked up the goodie he’d thrown. No use in wasting it. And besides, Sludge looked like he was having enough fun to not miss the goodies at all.

He switched channels again, and found some humans fighting a giant gorilla.

“Hnnh.” He grinned. “Him Grimlock will be sorry he missed this one.” Then he put another goodie in his mouth and settled back to watch.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't actually know if Walking with dinosaurs was around in 1985. Let's just pretend it was, shall we?


End file.
